just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
