Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
