Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
