Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
