Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
