There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Barsexuality is the new black.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize