Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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