You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
