Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
