when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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