I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
