My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
