She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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