im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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