I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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