it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
