I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
