Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize