He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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