i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
