I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize