I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
