when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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