okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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