wanna go halves on a baby?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I didn't notice because vodka
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
