Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize