enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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