i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
