physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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