His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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