i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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