Sry I called you an 8
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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