Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
