we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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