Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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