don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
