the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
