then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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