home. puking in laundry basket.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
