dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
