Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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