Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
