3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
