Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
