Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
