I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
