if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
