Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
