so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you had me at cake vodka
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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