who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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