i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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