We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
