your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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