Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
