i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
