I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize