Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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