Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
