if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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