Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
