We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
