I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
