I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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