walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize