I hate your face
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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