So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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