hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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