Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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