I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
