My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
