you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
