Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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