yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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