Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
