I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
