just come out here and I will go home with you...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize