ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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