I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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