Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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