I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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