I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Houston, we have a squirter
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
