I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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