Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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