he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
