I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize