Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
