Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
