dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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