I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
