If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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