I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize