I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
