Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize