Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Randomize
