She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
