woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
