I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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