yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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